…you’ve never answered the phone: “i’m still here” “not in labor” “don’t call me, I’ll call you..”
…you’ve worried about your water breaking in public. At this point, I HOPE it breaks in public. I think the only place I give a second thought to my water breaking is in my brand new car. And even then… it can get detailed.
…you’ve never stopped believing pregnancy actually ends… Most people believe that pregnancy has an end point. But when you’ve hit 41 weeks, you actually come to know the truth…you know you will be pregnant forever and its your new status in life, along with your infinitely expanding self…
…you’ve never had OTHER people stop believing you are ever going to give birth. Sure from about 34 weeks on people will start asking you “any day now, right?” and every time they see you they will want to know “how much longer?” And your family will believe every time you call them you’ll be calling with THE call. But around 41 weeks your parents stop answering your every call, breathless from racing to the call. They might even stop answering. They know you’re just calling to say “YUP.STILL.PREGNANT.”
…you’ve never cried because of the lack of progress in the “delivery department” (enough said.)
…you’ve never ripped a pair of your own pants. (Okay, i know this happens even when you arent pregnant- heck, it’s happened to me when i wasnt pregnant. But these were PAJAMAS. Who rips PAJAMA pants??…this happened on the morning of my 287th day of pregnancy.)
…you’ve never contemplated answering “when are you due?” with “I’m not pregnant!” just for your own amusement…
…you’ve never trained your toddler to run her own dirty diapers to the trash… (hey, one less trip off the floor for me!)
Edited to add:
…if you’re daily diet has never been pepsi and oreos. Yup. CAFFEINATED Pepsi. Because you NEED the caffeine to even BEGIN to function. And Oreos because well, I’m 41 weeks pregnant!!
…you’ve never made plans with friends, HOPING that you’ll have to cancel them
…you’ve never made plans with friends, based in total “superstitious” beliefs that the plans might send you into labor… (examples: when i went into labor with C I had a pedicure with 2 girlfriends and walked a lot. I got a pedicure with one of the girls last weekend just in case that might send me into labor… OR my friend L’s water broke the day she had lunch plans with me. I’m making lunch plans with her this week now…)
…you’ve never thought, “Okay, I know *I* was 8 days late…this must be karma… (and you dont believe in karma!)
…you’ve never had to return a holiday onesie. (Stupid first thanksgiving outfit was so cute too!)
…You’ve never been so anxious to meet your unborn baby that you just can’t stand it!!! I cannot wait for him to be born!!! this is the # 1 thing that is driving me crazy at the moment!! Come on out, D! 🙂