Category Archives: deep thoughts

D {One Month Old}

One Month Old! "hello there!"

Phew, that went fast! On the one hand I feel like I was just whining about being pregnant forrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvveeeeeer. I still remember that misery, actually. I remember that better than my super crazy fast delivery! On the other hand, it feels like he’s been a part of our family forever. That’s the funny thing about having kids, when they arrive it seems like they’ve always been apart of your family! And what a blessing they are…

My little snuggle bug is already getting so big. He had his one month check up today. He’s a plump 9#15oz! He’s grown two inches (21 inches now!) I’m noticing his newborn jammies are starting to seem small… I’m not ready to give them up yet though!

You can't tell, but his room is a DISASTER. :/

He’s different than C. C would get hungry and eat and when she ate she would chow down. This little guy pops on and  off about a hundred times while he’s eating. OR he will only eat 5 minutes and fall TOTALLY asleep. So I really never have any idea what will satisfy him! And he’s started up with some reflux, poor guy. The doctor wants to keep an eye on it for now, since he is gaining well she wasnt too concerned. But I’m so sad when it seems like he’s in pain!

He wakes up quite a bit in the night still. My dear friend posted something on twitter the other day and it has become my new mantra:

“The days seem long, but the years are short.”

How SO VERY TRUE. I remember being exhausted and burned out with C… It seems SO VERY LONG AGO now though. I truly can’t believe how fast it goes, so I’m trying to pray “breath of heaven, hold me together” throughout the long nights. And I’m very thankful that while it is SO HARD to wake up in the night, I actually do feel the strength I need to get through the day!

also, looking at this helps 🙂

I’m making a point to snuggle this guy as much as I can. Because I thought I cherished these days with C, and they went so fast. And time seems to go faster with two… I love his soft sweet skin on the side of my face for a snuggle! I love looking down at a satisfied face with milk dribbling from both sides of his mouth.

I love when he does the newborn chicken dance (where he’s sort of Pecking my shoulder looking for food). I love the gummy mouth, and how cute he looks with the pacifier in there.

I love his tiny tiny round head. I love the weight of his little body,I love when hes all curled up and clings to me like a little Koala.

I love C looking on him fondly,

I love how much more confident B is this time around.

I’m such a sap!

Just for fun…


Genius Idea for Marriage

I know you all are going to be super impressed by this post.

So, we’ve lived in our house for about 3 years now. Since we have moved here, I have had these lovely little spoon rest thingys that I *love* to leave tea bags and spoons on. They cause many “problems”.

One problem is that my poor husband is always wanting to throw out my (admittedly disgusting looking) tea bags away, whilst I’m always swearing that I will re-use them! I’m not that cheap- i just like my tea very weak and therefor reusing a tea bag makes sense. Okay, it’s gross. But I’m still going to do it. This has not been as much of a problem. My lovely husband adapted and pretty much leaves my (ugly) tea bags alone.

My lovely, amazing husband has completely taken over dish duty. We discovered that this has worked out very well for the happiness meter in both of our lives. Except for one thing. Oh this problem is a DOOZY. You know how there are those little things in life that just This has been my looney toons thing for THREE YEARS. And I have figured out how to solve it. You should all be so proud of me. I solved a problem that comes up, at least 2-4 x per week (depending on how good we are about the dishwasher) for THREE years.

My husband, always, ALWAYS puts the teaspoon rests away in the wrong place. ALWAYS. For three years, these little guys have always lived in the cabinet farthest right in our kitchen. And for THREE YEARS (!!!) He has always put them in the cabinet NEXT to the one they go in.

This makes me bananas every.single.time.

{thought as I’m huffing and puffing at all the “work” of moving 4 small things to the cabinet RIGHT next store, not across our “huge” kitchen}

“Why can’t he just remember where they go? They’ve been in the same spot for three years!! ARGH. This is SO ANNOYING.”

This morning though, as i searched for my teaspoon rests and they were, again, not where “they go”, I had a revelation.

Why not, make the spot where they go, where HE puts them?


This is GENIUS. Especially since, he does all the dishes now anyway! WHY DOES IT MATTER?
Even as I’m typing this, i’m laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. How did I let this bother me for 3 years? How did I not figure this out?

God bless my husband, because the worst thing I put up with is spoon rests in the wrong place. He puts up with a WHOLE host of neuroses, the least of which is me freaking out about where the spoon rests go and leaving my gross tea bags out on the counter.

I love you honey.


Thankfulness is so important. Taking a moment to realize all that you have is good for the soul. I tend to be someone who struggles to have an attitude of thankfulness, especially in the day to day of life- which is where it is most important! I am a complainer, a debbie downer, much of the time, in my own heart. Shame on me!  The Lord has blessed me with so much. I forget to thank Him and others ALL too often.

So, first of all, I am thankful that we DO have a time of year set aside to remind me/all of us to be thankful for all that I have been given. I need to continue to keep that attitude in my heart, but this certainly helps kick start it!

I’m so thankful for such a healthy family.  I have been around too many (1 is too many!) families in devastating grief stricken circumstances. I am so thankful that we are all so healthy. I pray that that continues!I’m also thankful for continued relationships with some of those families, and seeing that they have continued on in faith, and despite difficult (horrible!) health problems, they have continued to march on…that is so inspiring. I am blessed to know these people, they give me hope that if I was to ever be a part of such trials that I WOULD be able to lean on Him. And, I pray that they would experience the miraculous healing of the Lord.

I am thankful that for the first time in MONTHS bath time wasn’t AWFUL last night. (it wasn’t fun either, but she didn’t scream and cry the entire time!!!!!).

I am thankful for a husband who works so hard both out of the home and in. He does so much for C and I and I really appreciate it. I COULD be working & it would help out, but I feel I am a better mom/wife if I’m not (today anyway!) So  for now, he works hard as the sole provider, and I truly appreciate that (even though sometimes the green eyed monster gets the better of me!). I’m also so thankful that he loves the beauty that God has placed in our country, and is always so eager to go and visit these places. Most are places I never would have gone without him, but I’m so glad that I did get to see! I can’t wait for our next adventure. Thank you for broadening my horizons, hon!

I’m also so thankful to my little light, C. She is so fun, beautiful, and full of personality all ready. She makes me laugh and smile constantly. And while sometimes I can get down about our milk stained carpet filled with toys and flash cards and raisins, in my heart, i 100% it is more than worth it.

Most of all, I’m thankful for my Savior who died for me on the cross. I definitely have been having a harder time this fall with the change of seasons. But the Holy Spirit has been at work in my heart and has drawn me closer to himself… and I’ve been doing much better!! Thank you Lord!!

and thank YOU for reading. 🙂

Breastfeeding {a year and counting!}

So this is one of those things that has been on my mind the last few months and have been waiting to sort through all my thoughts. I’m still sorting.

I think as a younger person I always thought I would breastfeed, but then quit when my baby had teeth. Then, especially when I became a nurse and learned of all the benefits of breastfeeding, I thought I’d do it forever. Now that I’ve been doing it for a year, I think I’m somewhere in the middle.

I’m pretty sure I read somewhere (though I can’t find it anywhere!) that the American Association of Pediatrics recommends (and recognizes health benefits) to breastfeeding (at least some) until age two. Obviously, starting at around 6 months babies will begin the weaning process with the introduction of “regular” food.

I’ve always been in the “Babywise” habit of not nursing C to sleep. Are their times when I’ve tried it, yup! Sometimes I nurse her down to achieve the dreaded car nap-to crib transition. But i do not do it on the regular. This, at least, affords me one less thing I have to worry about with weaning. She also has been fine with cups, so she hasn’t had a bottle at all, and If I am not home, she gets milk from a cup (not breastmilk in a bottle. Yay for hardly any pumping!) Now that we are in the process of going to one nap/per day, she is nursing about 3x a day (Down from 4). She has not gotten any overnight feedings in a very long time. 3 times a day is hardly an inconvenience for me. She is very fast and if I’m not home she does not seem to miss it.

In the annexes of my mind, I know there was a time where I was not pregnant or breastfeeding. But just as it seems that C has always been a part of our family, it seems that nursing (or pregnancy) has always been a part of me! I can’t remember what it was like to have my body be completely my own, and I am (in some ways) looking forward to it being mine for a time! However, I’m sure I will lose even MORE weight watchers points when I quit nursing completely, so I do not want to stop! 🙂 When she was a wee one and up sooooo many times and nursing sooo frequently I held it in my head that this day would come much too fast! and i was right 🙂 I’m glad I had that thought to help me get through those times, though!

But I also dread stopping because I know it will be yet another way my baby is no longer a baby, that she is growing up. But nursing her forever will in no way keep her a baby.

We had a very easy time breastfeeding over all. There were definitely difficult times, but in general we had it very easy. She loves to nurse, but took to eating “real ” food easily as well. She’s not too picky (YET!), and drinks cow’s milk from a cup, no problem.

In general, I think it will be an easy transition as all the other transitions (with food/nursing) have been.  I wonder if she is ready even now. I’m certainly not. Growing up is all about starting the slow process of becoming your own person. It starts with birth and the clamping of the cord and it ends with… I’m not sure- I’m still asking my parents for advice! 🙂 I think part of why God makes it a slow process is for the sake of the mother’s poor heart! Babyhood goes way too fast.

Perhaps when she starts to walk I will become more ready. Somedays for sure I’m ready to stop (like when she wakes at 6 on saturday… if I wasn’t nursing B could take a turn!!! :)) but for now I will enjoy (as I have made it my habit, even at those 2, 3, and 4 am feedings) these moments as I am sure they are dwindling.

Anyway, those are all my deep thoughts on breastfeeding. Sorry for the rambling post. 🙂

Almost a year…

in less than two weeks, C will be turning one! I’ve really tried to sit back and enjoy this time and treasure every moment… and even still, it went way too fast! I keep trying to freeze her at the age she is…fortunately she just keeps getting better and better, so I don’t mind the growing up AS much…

July 14 will mark many other things too.. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately I’d like to post more on. For now, a list… 🙂

One year of:

  • being a family of three.
  • being a mom.
  • exclusively breastfeeding
  • learning to be needed all the time
  • cloth diapering
  • realizing my selfishnesss
  • fun, fun, fun!
  • growth-vast changes in both C and me, I think!
  • parenting

Obviously some things on the list are deeper than others. I think it is pretty amazing how much not only a baby changes in their first year, but parents as well. We will (hopefully!) have more children, but we will never experience the first year of parenthood again. (Thank goodness!). But the second year is coming up fast! Not sure we are ready! I feel like we both can trust our instincts so much more than we could when she was a tiny little thing. I’m no longer pouring over every sleep book I can find (though I do solicit advice and pull them out from time to time in hopes of finding more sleep!).  I used to really struggle when leaving C with anyone, even B. That’s gotten so much better. I know that B (and anyone we trust) can handle it. I still think of her/them while I’m out, but I no longer need to call and check in! I’m even getting ready to go away for a few nights without her, and later, without her or B! (I plan on reading all of the Twilight books in 2 days when I’m away…good use of time, right?).

Sometimes I DO long for the days when she was a little lump, not getting in to anything. But then my friends of newborns remind me of the countless diaper changes, the up all nights, and the bleary eyed early mornings and I am happy with where we are! 🙂

I will be writing more on some of these topics, hopefully writing them down here will help me to remember all the things I want to say! 🙂


Expectations have come up a lot lately in my life. Expectations about being a mother. about being a daughter, a friend, a bible study member, a church go-er, a God follower, a wife… you get the idea.

I really don’t think expectations have a place in our lives. I can’t think of an instance where it’s appropriate to expect something from anyone. Shall I expect my husband to come home and be perfectly willing (after a long hard day’s work) to take the baby, change her, feed her, play with her AND take care of MY emotional needs. (And, expect that he shan’t expect anything in return, of course.) On an even more basic level, I can hope that he honor’s his commitment to me, but do i have the right to EXPECT that? (PS I have no doubt that he does/has/will honor this commitment, I’m just showing how deep our expectations can be…)

Should I expect my friends to call me and keep in touch (not thinking of ANYONE in particular, don’t worry girls), so that I won’t have to call them?

Should I expect that my daughter will never challenge me? Expect that she will grow up to be a God fearing woman just because I want her to?

Shall I expect to have a perfectly safe, protected life provided from my God? What right have I to expect anything from Him, when He has already given me His All?

I think not.

I loved when my church showed the video’s from North Point Ministries called “iMarriage”. I think everyone (married or not) will benefit from watching these. You can find them doing a youtube search. This video is from that series, just sort of a funny commentary on our expectations from Marriage…

I want to empty myself of my expectations. This is a daily struggle. Especially since I keep uncovering a new expectation I didn’t realize I had, almot daily.

Expectations ruin my quest for contentment as well. Expectations that I have of myself, or (worse) think others have of me just cause me to struggle. Perhaps it is okay to expect things of ones self… but I’m not sure.

This post isn’t really going anywhere, but I just wanted to share the idea that we all need to let go of our expectations, whatever they may be, and just seek Him first.